Translator: Kingbao Editor: DarkGem
She was poison. Even though he knew it was fatal, he still couldn’t help approaching.
Just like right now. Even after she had hurt him so badly, her unhappiness, her tears, and one night together was enough to tempt him back in.
He couldn’t help but admit his attraction, she could easily stir his heart, sucking him in.
He could never understand why there could be a woman like her that could easily tear down his defenses. With just a simple act, she was able to turn his world upside down.
He was clear of his most honest and raw intentions at this moment.
Even after she had trampled over his pride, proclaimed him unworthy of loving her, refused to forgive him for another man, pushed him to his limits, he still wasn’t able to give her up, he still wanted to be with her.
He knew that he never had a choice when it came to her, that’s what had driven him to a foreign country when she first abandoned him.
The skies were dark, and the street lamps flickered.
Lu Jinnian smoked one stick after another, never once stopping as he battled his inner war.
From all her actions, he could tell that she wanted to be with him, but he couldn’t muster enough courage to believe such a thought.
He was frightened of the thought of losing her after accepting such a fantasy.
He didn’t want to experience the same death-like pain once again.
No one could know how torturous it had bee n when she had abandoned him, and he never wanted to experience such torment ever again. No one could know just how many sleepless nights he had used to convince himself to let go.
Lu Jinnian lowered his lashes, staring at the black watch he wore on the hand with which he held the cigarette.
His resolve was weakening, and his spirits were low.
There were two choices ahead, but he had no clue which to choose.
Lu Jinnian sat there silently the entire night, until the sun started to raise and the city started to rouse, transforming into a bustling place of activity. Standing up, he headed to the closet to change into a new set of clothes before leaving the hotel room with his wallet.
After about an hour, he returned back with two bags. He placed them on the sofa before pushing the bedroom door softly. Qiao Anhao was still fast asleep.
She didn’t have good sleeping habits, kicking the blanket aside, exposing a large area of her bare back and one long, shapely leg.
Lu Jinnian looked at her for a while before entering and covering her tightly. He left after increasing the temperature for the heater slightly.
Walking over to the window in the living room, he stuffed his hands into his pockets and stared into the distance.
–
This was probably the best sleep Qiao Anhao had had in four months.
When she finally woke up, it was already 1 pm in the afternoon.
She brushed her hair messily, glancing around the room with half-opened eyes. When she caught sight of a male suit in the corner of the room, she was jolted awake instantly.
Translator: Kingbao Editor: DarkGem
Just like a movie scene, the memories from the night before flooded in, one by one. Qiao Anhao scanned the surroundings. When she realized that Lu Jinnian was nowhere in sight, she automatically assumed that he had ran away. She hurriedly climbed off the bed and ran out of the bedroom without noticing her naked body.
When Lu Jinnian heard movement, he turned towards the source of the sound. Just then, Qiao Anhao appeared at the door unclothed. He frowned, turning away abruptly. “Wear something before coming out.”
Qiao Anhao flushed a deep shade of red and retreated back into the backroom, slamming the door behind her.
After taking a shower, she wrapped herself in a bathrobe. When she approached the bed, she saw a new set of clothes with tags still on them.
Lu Jinnian must have bought them for her earlier this morning.
She quickly blow dried her hair, tied them into a messy bun, and put on the clothes before leaving the bedroom.
Lu Jinnian had already placed some dishes on the table. When he heard the door open, he lifted his head. “Come have some food.”
He then sat down on the chair next to him.
Qiao Anhao walked over slowly, studying his face. When she was sure that he wasn’t angry or seemed to want to question her, she started to feel more reassured, pulling open a chair to take a seat.
Lu Jinnian passed her a set of chopsticks, signaling for her to eat.
That was when she finally relaxed. She lowered her head and started eating. Deep inside, she was complimenting Zhao Meng for her suggestion.
After sleeping for such a long time, she was starving. With her newly brightened spirits, she started to eat happily.
Lu Jinnian moved his chopsticks twice before putting them back down. He leaned back against the chair and stared at Qiao Anhao as she ate.
Only when she stopped eating did he finally move. He turned to pass her a wet tissue before walking to the sofa. He glanced at the two bags, hesitated slightly before bending down, and took out a box of pills.
Turning around, he walked over to the table counter to pour a cup of water before heading back to the table. He first placed the cup of water in front of her, then paused for some ten seconds, seemingly debating something, after which he passed them over. “Eat one.”
Qiao Anhao had on a faint smile while holding onto the wet tissue. She then turned and saw the pills in his hands. “What’s this?”
Lu Jinnian remained silent.
Qiao Anhao blinked twice and turned to look at the box of pills. All the color left her face instantly. She tightened her grip on the wet tissue in her hands as shock clouded her face. After a moment, she turned to Lu Jinnian with confusion in her eyes. “Why are you giving me this?”
Lu Jinnian glanced at her face for a moment before placing the pills on the table. Instead of replying to her, he pulled out an air ticket from his pocket. “After you finish it, I’ll bring you to the airport.”
Translator: Kingbao Editor: DarkGem
Qiao Anhao glanced at the air ticket, it was a flight from Los Angeles to Beijing. Her mind went blank.
Didn’t Zhao Meng say that all she had to do was sleep with him? Even if he wasn’t going to forgive her, didn’t she say that she could use the child to threaten him into marriage?
But somehow Lu Jinnian had ruined her plans entirely…
She didn’t want to go back, she didn’t want to eat the contraceptives… What was she going to do?
Qiao Anhao started to panic. She then suddenly remembered what Zhao Meng had mentioned in the message – for her to continually sleep with him until he accepted her…
Qiao Anhao hung onto that solution desperately. She stood up abruptly and hugged Lu Jinnian’s neck. Lifting her head, she covered his lips. Moving her arm down to his waist, she violently sunk into his clothes.
But before she could venture far, Lu Jinnian grabbed her wrist, pulling her away from him as though trying to keep a distance. When he took a step back, his face was cold and distant. “The flight is two hours away, hurry and eat the pill. I’ll go check out now.”
He released her wrist, arranging his messy clothes slightly before heading out of the room.
She tried harassing him, acting cute, pitiful, and even drugged him. She seemed to have exhausted all the possible options but was still not able to make him change his mind. In that instant, she didn’t know if she felt despair or frustration, but she suddenly grabbed the pills on the table and tossed them at Lu Jinnian’s back.
“You can eat it if you want, but I’m not going to!”
Lu Jinnian wavered slightly before stopping.
Qiao Anhao seemed to have broken down. She reached for the air ticket and tore it into pieces, throwing it at Lu Jinnian with all her strength, but it didn’t seem to satisfy her. She took large steps towards him.
Reaching for the box of pills, she threw them out and started to stomp on them until they turned into a powdery mess. As she stepped on the pills, tears streamed down her face. Turning to the the sofa, she grabbed the pillows and tossed them at Lu Jinnian.
And when there was nothing left to throw, she collapsed on the floor, sobbing. Angrily, she glared at him with tear filled eyes. “Lu Jinnian, what do you want? Even if you’re angry, isn’t there a limit?”
Lu Jinnian was frustrated by her tantrum. After finally settling on a conclusion, he was starting to waver once again. He frowned, staring at her for a long while before walking over. He knelt down and started to gently wipe away her tears, but in that instant, Qiao Anhao could feel his distance.
Translator: Kingbao Editor: DarkGem
“Qiao Qiao, I’m not angry…” Lu Jinnian said calmly. “This time, I just want to treat myself better.”
All these years, in order to love you, I thought about you first, before myself.
As time went by, I started to forget that I can hurt as well.
In this world, there isn’t anyone who would think for me, so this time, I just want to care for myself.
I don’t want to jump right in just because I saw a hint of hope, only to end up in despair.
“Yesterday in the elevator, whatever I said wasn’t out of anger, those were heartfelt. I really don’t wish to have anything to do with you anymore.” Lu Jinnian paused before adding resolutely, “So, Qiao Qiao, do go back to Beijing, don’t waste your time here anymore.”
Lu Jinnian spoke seriously, allowing Qiao Anhao to understand that he wasn’t angry at what happened, he was giving up on her.
Anxiousness started to fill her heart. “But Lu Jinnian, you like me… You’ve liked me for thirteen years…”
Her words brought him back to the time he was in the car and had sent her the message [I’ve loved you for thirteen years]. He was reminded of how despaired he had felt at that time.
An unexplainable sorrow started to spread across his heart. He remained silent for a long while before saying, “Yes, I’ve loved you for thirteen years. But Qiao Qiao, do you know? Now I’m trying very hard to forget you.”
Cold numbness crept up Qiao Anhao’s body, her heart tugged with a deep painful ache, and her body begun to tremble uncontrollably.
What did he say?
He said that he was trying to forget her?
During the four months he was gone. she had always thought that when they finally reunited, it would be the start of her happiness. She had never expected it to be the end.
Lu Jinnian noticed that she seemed to have been hurt by his words, staring at him blankly without responding.
He couldn’t help but feel pained inside as well when he saw her reaction. Lowering his lids, he said faintly, “I’ll wait downstairs.”
He stood up and left the room.
When the door finally closed, Qiao Anhao snapped back to her senses. She blinked slightly, the tears streaming down her face uncontrollably.
Lu Jinnian had actually said that he was trying to forget her… Qiao Anhao felt an immense pain that made even breathing difficult.
She had no idea how she managed to leave his room and even less of a clue of how she managed to get down and enter the cab with Lu Jinnian. The entire time, her whole mind was filled with one single sentence.
She stared out the window. The more she repeated the sentence, the more her face whitened. In the end, it became as pale as a paper.
Lu Jinnian turned towards the other window, his face impassive.
When they finally reached the airport, Lu Jinnian paid and alighted first, heading to the other side to open the door for Qiao Anhao. She, on the other hand, remained in a daze, alighting from the cab as though on auto-pilot mode.
Translator: Kingbao Editor: DarkGem
Lu Jinnian walked in front while Qiao Anhao trailed behind as they headed towards the airport.
Since the ticket was torn apart, Lu Jinnian had to get another before leading her to the gates. He passed the passport and new air ticket into her hands.
Qiao Anhao felt something in her palms. She grabbed onto the things in a daze, looking straight at Lu Jinnian. Her mind was still in a blank state.
Lu Jinnian took out his wallet and stuffed a thick wad of cash into her hands. “Go in.”
Qiao Anhao stood still, her eyes blank, staring straight at him.
Lu Jinnian started to feel frustrated from her stare. He cleared his throat and dryly said, “Goodbye.”
He then turned.
After pausing for about ten seconds, he walked away with heavy, resolute steps.
Goodbye?
Qiao Anhao’s temples moved slightly. She looked down at the wad of cash Lu Jinnian had stuffed into her hands, remembering the scene from many years ago at the train station in Hangzhou. When she had lost her wallet back then, he had also given her money, but at that time, he had told her to get back to Beijing safely.
And now he had said goodbye.
Did it mean that they’ll never see each other again?
She didn’t want that!
Zhao Meng had told her that he cared that she didn’t turn up but he cared more whether or not she loved him. He said that it was never because he was angry.
Right, how could she be so silly? So dumb? Just because he said he would try to forget her, how could she forget to tell him she loved him?
After following him all the way from Beijing to America, she had wanted to explain herself, but she forgot to let him know that she loved him too.
Hope shone brightly in her eyes.
If she told him, she loved him, would he stop trying to forget her?
He had been in love with her for thirteen years, and she had loved him for thirteen years too.
After she had spent her entire youth loving him, how could it end like that?
Regardless of the ending, she had to go at it bravely, didn’t she?
Determined, she rushed in the direction Lu Jinnian had left.
The airport was crowded, and since she was in a hurry, she bumped into a few people, but continued to rush forward without having time to apologize.
When she was finally at the door, she started to worry that she wouldn’t see him anywhere. After frantically scanning the surroundings, she finally caught sight of him smoking at the rubbish bin nearby.
He looked exceptionally lonely at that moment, and it tugged at the deepest part of her heart. Without hesitating, she dashed forward.
Lu Jinnian seemed to have sensed something, for he turned to the side. The moment he saw her, he frowned, instinctively tossing the cigarette into the bin. Qiao Anhao ran towards him and tightly hugged the back of his waist.
Lu Jinnian froze, and before he could react, he heard her small, soulful whimper.
“Lu Jinnian, if I said I loved you, would you still not want me?”
Translator: Kingbao Editor: DarkGem
Lu Jinnian froze, and before he could react, he heard her small, soulful whimper.
“Lu Jinnian, if I said I loved you, would you still not want me?”
The airport was populated and noisy, each sound much louder than hers, but he could still clearly hear what she had just said.
If I said I loved you, would you still not want me?
The sentence entered his brain, and he couldn’t seem to process the meaning. In the end, it translated only to: I love you
Qiao Anhao said that she loved him.
Lu Jinnian sincerely felt that he was hallucinating.
How could she say that she loved him? If she loved him, why would she have let him wait for such a long time, sent him such hurtful words?
His love for her must be so great that it caused him to hallucinate in broad daylight.
After waiting for a long while, Qiao Anhao still didn’t get a response from him. She started to feel anxious, unsure of how he felt. She tightened her grip on his waist and continued in a trembling voice, “Lu Jinnian, can you not try to forget me, can you not chase me back, can you be with me…”
The whole sentence consisted of many “can you”, but Lu Jinnian continued to stay motionless. In the end, she asked in a breathless, sob-filled voice, “Lu Jinnian, I love you, I really love you, can we be together? Can we? Can we?”
The multiple “can we” sent his heart into a frenzy.
Silently, he pinched his thigh. When he felt a sharp stinging pain, he realized that he wasn’t dreaming.
The girl he had loved for thirteen years had really just told him that she loved him.
Last night, when she drugged him and they slept together, he had wanted to get back with her, but he was too afraid of facing another sad ending. After sitting and thinking through the entire night, he came to the painful conclusion of letting her go. If he wanted to have a peaceful life, they had to become strangers.
But now she said that she loved him.
He saw his weak resolve dissolving right in front of him.
The worst thing was the bliss he felt when he heard her confession.
Lu Jinnian, are you prepared to give yourself, to give her, to give the future of you two together a chance?
His silence slowly ripped Qiao Anhao’s heart apart, the wound getting larger and larger. She was growing more and more anxious.
When his hands suddenly came up to pry her hands off, her chest overflowed with horror.
Lu Jinnian started to turn around to face her, but before he could say anything, she threw herself into his embrace, climbing onto him like an octopus. He stumbled backwards, and when he finally regained his footing, she broke into tears.
“I’m not going back, not going back!”
