Translator: Paperplane Editor: DarkGem
After Lucy’s husband left, Qiao Anhao and Lucy sat on the sofa.
The coffee had already gone cold, so Qiao Anhao brewed a new pot and poured Lucy and herself a cup.
Lucy said “Thank you”, then pulled out a business card from her bag and handed it over.
Qiao Anhao accepted it with two hands. Even though it was printed in English, she understood it.
Lucy, 31 years old, Psychologist.
Qiao Anhao put the business card away, and gave a simple introduction to Lucy. Before she could finish, Lucy smiled, nodded, and said, “Regarding your text messages, I know all about them.”
After a pause, she added, “Nian told me.” She took a sip of coffee. “As for the misunderstanding I created, I offer you my apologies. However, rest assured, Nian only came to find me purely for business.”
“Uh huh…” Lucy tilted her head and thought about it for a moment. “Simply put, Nian is my patient.”
Lucy is a psychologist and Lu Jinnian is her patient, which is to say, Lu Jinnian’s mental health… Qiao Anhao instantly became stiff, unable to believe what she was hearing.
Lucy looked as though she understood exactly what Qiao Anhao was thinking, then curved her lips into a smile. “Actually, this is Nian’s private matter, and I promised to keep it a secret, but you have this saying in China, something like ‘Whoever hung the bell…'”
Mid-speech, Lucy didn’t quite know how to continue, so Qiao Anhao helped her in English. “Whoever hung the bell on the tiger’s neck must untie it?”
“Right!” Lucy nodded enthusiastically. “I believe, if you knew about it, then it would definitely be helpful for Nian.”
This time, Qiao Anhao didn’t say anything, but stared straight +at Lucy.
“I met Nian five months ago. At the time, my husband and I were driving home when we found him. He drank a lot, so he wasn’t very conscious at the time. He and my husband had known each other for many years and were very good friends, so we took him home with us.
“He wanted to leave when he sobered up, but my husband desperately tried to persuade him to stay. Finally, he agreed.
“He’s really handsome, and a gentleman. Though he doesn’t speak much, but my husband and I like him a lot. Our Nini also likes him too. Nini is our beautiful Labrador retriever.
“A week later, I realized that something was off with him. That night, I went out to a party. It was already three in the morning when I came home. The lights in his room were lit and his door wasn’t shut. I was curious, so I pushed it open to find that he wasn’t asleep and his room was filled with cigarette smoke.
“At the time, I just thought that he was really addicted to smoking, so I tried to persuade him to quit, but he didn’t care.” Lucy shrugged her shoulders, then looked a little helpless. “Though we lived together, we rarely interacted with him. My husband told me that was just the way he was, so I didn’t think much of it.
“Until one day, I came home from work. Nini saw me, immediately jumped onto me and grabbed my leg, dragging me to his bedroom while barking at the door. Nini’s personality is very docile. We rarely see her like this, so I realized that something was wrong. I knocked on the door, but there was no reply. Nini then started to scratch at the door, and that’s when I realized that something wrong, so I hurriedly went to find the keys, and when I opened the door…”
As Lucy said this, she paused for a moment, glanced at Qiao Anhao, then traced a line down her wrist and said, “He had committed suicide.”
Translator: Paperplane Editor: DarkGem
Qiao Anhao was stunned. She stared into Lucy’s bright eyes which gradually darkened, as though she wasn’t certain what she’d heard. After a long while had passed, she asked in return, “Suicide?”
With that last word, Qiao Anhao’s heart instantly panicked. So much so, she didn’t dare hear Lucy’s reply.
Lu Jinnian actually tried to commit suicide… Why did he try to kill himself…
She looked as though she was trying really hard to suppress her emotions, tightly clutching the coffee cup in her hands. Her lips had lost all color, like they were drained of blood.
“Yes, suicide.” As she said this, Lucy, who loved to smile, grew upset. “But luckily, I discovered him just in time. He was temporarily unconscious and was sent to the hospital for care. There weren’t any major issues, and it didn’t leave behind any repercussions.
“That day, my husband didn’t rush home from set, so I stayed with Nian in the hospital whilst he was unconscious. He cried two words…”
Because Lucy had heard the two words so many times, though she couldn’t speak Chinese and her pronunciation may have been shaky, she was able to say Qiao Anhao’s name.
“Qiao Qiao.
“After he woke, he became even more quiet. The longest time he went without saying a single word was a week. He loved to randomly stare at one spot in a daze. He, at that time, didn’t eat at all, so he was on an IV drip. However, because the nurse had to step away after taking the needle out, he didn’t know how to call someone for help, so he lost blood.”
Qiao Anhao didn’t know why, but when she heard this, she suddenly lowered her head, not daring to face Lucy.
“That’s when I realized he was severely depressed. His depression was so serious, little thoughts could trigger suicidal ones. That time, when he tried to commit suicide by cutting his wrists, perhaps the idea suddenly came to him whilst he was shaving with a razor.
“Of course, severe depression wouldn’t have come from a single event. This was something that had followed him from his living environment as a child. However, under normal situation it wouldn’t affect him, but perhaps it was some kind of thought that had triggered him.
“I tried so many ways to communicate with him, but they were all useless. Then, I thought about your name. At first, when I mentioned you, he said some wild things, and he practically trashed everything in the house.
“In the end, I could only control him with medicine to calm him down. Then I would spend time with him everyday and endlessly communicate with him. At the time, my husband stopped production to help me. We spent a lot of energy to finally see him improve.
“That period of time, was a challenge for me, but for him, it was a nightmare.
“Though his condition has improved, it doesn’t mean that he’s fine now. He looks normal during the day, but at night, he would never sleep at all. We’ve taken him to the hospital, and to see my psychology teacher. We’ve used many methods, but they haven’t worked. Even if he got a little sleep, it would be induced by medicine.
“It was during all those sleepless nights that I learned all about you from him.
“He used a lot of strength to force himself to forget about you, and yet he still loved you so so deeply.
“You turned him into a hopeless lunatic.
“I put off all the work in my office and spent every night with him for two whole months to help him accept the fact that he had already lost you.”
Translator: Paperplane Editor: DarkGem
“I encouraged him to go to work. Through my husband, he was able to take part in a Hollywood picture. In fact, he personally wanted to take the leading male role for the movie. Despite me having caught him staring at your photo in a daze or standing in bewilderment, not knowing what to do with himself, at times, he gradually was able to feel less hurt by you.
“However, forgetting someone isn’t something that happens overnight. Though he drank and smoked, didn’t speak much, and was a little bit of a loner, at the very least, he was able to live like a normal person again. So much so that he didn’t come to see me for as long as a month. At the time, I was really happy. I thought he’d finally stepped out of the darkness and pain. But then, you reappeared… yet, he didn’t have the courage to continue your story together… Eventually, he still wanted to work things out with you and re-immersed himself in that state of suffering and unease…”
A single tear rolled from Qiao Anhao’s right eye, falling down into her coffee cup.
“Actually… Qiao, I really don’t understand you. At first, you clearly rejected him by saying he was unworthy of you. You rejected him that heartlessly, so why did you come to find him after…”
Qiao Anhao raised her head in surprise. She stared at Lucy, then moved her lips. “I never rejected him.”
“How could that be? Nian wouldn’t lie to me. If you hadn’t rejected him,why would he had thought that death was better than life… How would’ve his heart turned to ashes?” Lucy’s expression looked as though she was accusing Qiao Anhao of lying. “All in all, Nian probably didn’t want to touch on the matter, but he told me everything in detail. From what he said, I understood that he waited a really long time for you, then confessed, but you rejected him…”
“I didn’t.” Qiao Anhao shook her head, her pitch-black pupils evidently lifeless. Her eyes quivered and she suddenly looked as though she was speculating something. She then abruptly stood up from the sofa. “Han Ruchu, it must’ve been her!”
Qiao Anhao was so impatient, she spoke Chinese. Lucy didn’t understand, able only to stare at Qiao Anhao’s look of rage in bewilderment. “Qiao? I don’t quite understand.”
Qiao Anhao remained lost in her own thoughts, whilst repeatedly mumbling to herself. Eventually she quietly grit her teeth and said with certainty, “She definitely did something, did something… I won’t let her off… definitely won’t let her off!”
“Qiao? Qiao?” Lucy couldn’t help but stand up and nudge her arm.
Qiao Anhao snapped back to her senses.
“Qiao, are you alright?”
Qiao Anhao suppressed her emotions in a hurry, and forced a smile at Lucy. She said in English, “I’m good. Thank you, Lucy.”
–
From there, Lucy told Qiao Anhao many things about Lu Jinnian’s time in America, but all Qiao Anhao could think about was what Han Ruchu could’ve done to force Lu Jinnian to leave his hometown and frequently be in a daze.
Having sent Lucy off with much difficulty, she shut the doors and angrily rushed up the stairs. She found her car keys and without even changing out of her lounge wear, she rushed out the house, wanting to go to the Xu family to question Han Ruchu.
The moment she sat down in her car and was ready to drive off, she suddenly remembered Xu Jiamu’s call on the night Lu Jinnian and she got married. He had mentioned that there would be a charity event in Beijing soon.
Translator: Paperplane Editor: DarkGem
Han Ruchu would be at the charity gala…
Qiao Anhao took out her phone and glanced at the time. The gala was tomorrow night.
She once said that she would make Han Ruchu pay for what she had done to her, bit by bit!
If she charged into the Xu estate on her own and made the situation big without any evidence, nobody would believe her words. Perhaps it would eventually even call uncle and auntie over. Because the relationship between the two families is so tight, they would blame her for not knowing better.
To defeat such a scheming woman, she mustn’t fight her head on…
Qiao Anhao wanted to think of a way to not lay a hand on her, otherwise she’d have smacked the woman till she didn’t know what to do with herself!
At that thought, Qiao Anhao’s anger slowly fizzled out. As she sat in the car, racking her brain over it for a while, a flicker of light suddenly flashed by. She remembered how she had ran out of the hotel to look for Lu Jinnian five months ago, but no matter how hard she looked, she couldn’t find him.
Instead, she had bumped into his assistant, who had explained a lot to her. He seemed to have mentioned that Lu Jinnian had a recording pen with evidence of Han Ruchu killing their child… Lu Jinnian had wanted to play it for her on Chinese Valentine’s day. What a shame…
Qiao Anhao suddenly pushed open the car’s door, got out in a hurry, and returned to the house.
When she came back from America with Lu Jinnian, he had only bought back a single suitcase. After they dragged it back to Mian Xiu Garden, they had never replaced it. Today, he was out on a business trip. Even if he had to pack his suitcase, he wouldn’t take the recording pen with him… so it was most likely that the recording pen was somewhere in the villa… She had to steal the recording pen and borrow it for a moment!
Qiao Anhao ran upstairs in one breath, and barged into the bedroom. She then started to rummage through all the boxes and cabinets.
It didn’t take long for her to turn the originally clean and tidy bedroom upside down. She randomly threw things around till there was practically nowhere to stand.
After she flipped through the bedroom’s cabinets, she ran into other rooms. She looked through them room by room before she barged into Lu Jinnian’s study.
Qiao Anhao randomly picked up all the documents that were piled on the desk. She sneaked a glance, then slammed them back onto the desk. A few of those documents crashed to the ground, whilst other unfastened sheets of paper spread across the floor.
She crouched on the floor, completely confused, and started to dig through the desk drawers. There she saw more documents and other things of the sort. She couldn’t help but furrow her brows, as she moved the chair. She stood on top of it and opened the bookcase.
She looked up and down the bookcase, before eventually finding a locked drawer in the lower right corner of the cabinet.
She tugged on the lock, and thought about the keys in the desk drawer she’d seen during her search. Then, she hurriedly turned around, grabbed the keys and turned one of them in the keyhole. When she tried the third key, the lock made a “Kacha” sound and opened up.
Qiao Anhao pulled the drawer to find it full of “NanJin95 Supreme” cigarettes.
She creased her brows. Without a second thought, she dug them all out and threw them into a rubbish bin beside her. Beneath the cigarettes she saw a phone, a recording pen, a bright red marriage certificate, and a folder.
She grabbed the recording pen and pressed the play button. A rustling sound came from the pen.
Translator: Paperplane Editor: DarkGem
“Why did you do it? You…”
After about ten seconds, Qiao Anhao recognized that the female voice belonged to Han Ruchu, but before she could finish, Lu Jinnian interrupted her. “‘Will you even be able to look at Jiamu, who once saved your life? In all these years, he has treated you so well, have you forgotten? Do you even have a heart!’ Mrs. Han, was this all you wanted to say?”
There was a pause in the conversation, then Lu Jinnian’s voice was heard again. “I can tell Xu Jiamu everything I did with a clear conscience! What about you? Mrs. Han, could you do the same? As a mother, could you honestly say that you’ve done things with a clear conscience?”
“What a joke! You stole what belongs to Jiamu. You’re here talking to me about having a clear conscience, but don’t you forget you’re an illegitimate child that should have never been born onto this earth! You mother was a shameful mistress. As Jiamu’s birth mother, how could I have a guilty conscience? Let me tell you, even if Xu Enterprise becomes yours, you still won’t be able to change the fact that you’re an illegitimate child. Nor can you change the fact that your mother was a prostitute!”
“Yes. That’s right. My mother was a prostitute. My mother was a mistress who gave birth to me, but she received her just rewards. I’ve also received mine, but even if my mother was lackluster, in my eyes, as her son, she was still a good mother, a great mother. Better than a murderer like yourself!”
“What do you mean by that?” There were hints of astonishment in Han Ruchu’s voice.
“I wonder, if Jiamu knew that his own mother’s hands were so stained with blood they didn’t even show mercy to a two month old baby… Just with what kind of eyes do you think he would look at this kind of mother?”
“So you knew.”
“Yes, of course I knew. Qiao Anhao’s miscarriage was all thanks to your sleeping pills in her swallow’s nest. Mrs. Han, you made such careful preparations, but what a shame, you slipped up and revealed a flaw in your plan.”
“”When did you find out?
“So, the only reason why my several dozen billion investment got scrapped was because you were scheming behind it all? Was it also you who added fuel to the fire when Xu Enterprise stocks fell? Your purpose for all this was to devour the Xu Enterprise and leave Wanli and me with nothing! Am I right?”
At that moment, Han Ruchu’s voice had already clearly lost its imposing demeanor. Even though the speed of her speech was quite steady, she had obviously lost her confidence.
“That’s right.”
“Just what will make you stop? I did this single-handedly. You can come at me…”
“Mrs. Han, if you called hoping that I’ll let you off, let me tell you this… don’t even think about it!”
When Lu Jinnian’s enigmatic final words fell, the rustling sound from the recording pen also disappeared.
Qiao Anhao pinched the recording pen with tightly pursed lips. She then stuffed the recording pen into her pocket and lowered her eyes. She paused there in front of the drawer for a while, before raising her head. Her eyes fell on the phone inside it.
It was the phone Lu Jinnian had previously used… It was the one he’d gotten when she first got into that accident during the shoot of “Heavenly Sword”. Having been used for such a little time, it was no different from a new phone. Why didn’t he use it?
Translator: Paperplane Editor: DarkGem
What’s more, even if he didn’t use it, he could casually put it somewhere. Why did he hide it here?
Even though Qiao Anhao knew it was wrong to touch Lu Jinnian’s things without getting his permission, but she had already stolen his recording pen. It wouldn’t make it any worse if she sneaked a look into his phone then, right?
She bit the corner of her lips as she stared at the phone, observing it for a while. In the end, she stretched her arm out and grabbed it.
After she switched on the phone and unlocked it, the start up screen appeared. Half a minute went by, and she was taken to the home screen. There was about thirty percent of the battery left and a reminder to insert the SIM card.
Lu Jinnian’s phone barely had any applications, those few present were basically apps about financing. Qiao Anhao swiped over them in disinterest, before eventually opening WeChat. Perhaps it was because it had been a long time since he had last logged in, she had to enter the password.
Qiao Anhao’s lips twitched with a little regret. She then exited WeChat and tapped onto other apps. She first clicked onto the call logs and realized that the dates stopped at October of last year. Among the series of numbers, there was a call to his assistant. Besides this, there were two other numbers, and the rest of the calls were all to her.
After Qiao Anhao had parted ways with the assistant, she had fainted on the street and was taken to the hospital. When she woke up, she saw that Xu Jiamu had watched over by her bedside, and had even brought her her phone.
After the phone was switched on, it wasn’t like she hadn’t seen Lu Jinnian’s missed calls, but they never amounted to the many calls he’d dialed to her.
Back then, when she fell unconscious from the fall, Xu Jiamu had returned the phone to her, which meant that her phone was at the Xu family estate for several days.
Now that she saw the call log on her phone, and the numerous calls in it, the numbers obviously didn’t match, which went to say… Someone had messed with her phone, or someone had taken out her SIM card and put it into another phone, erasing the messages from her own phone.
Just then, she thought about when exactly she had rejected Lu Jinnian’s confession. In her heart, she kind of understood it now.
Her reaction was incredibly fast. She returned to the home page and clicked open the text messages.
In comparison to the series of numbers in the chat logs, the text messages appeared a lot cleaner and concise. Only her name appeared on the page.
She didn’t even need to click on her own name before she saw the standalone phrase on the page: [I will never accept you for hurting Brother Jiamu.]
Qiao Anhao couldn’t quite explain why she was so nervous, but her heart started to race with disappointment, making her chest heave. Her fingers trembled when she hovered over her name a few times, but she never tapped it. In the end, she shut her eyes, and took a deep breath, as though she was summoning her courage, then finally gritted her teeth and tapped it.
She saw a number of simple sentences.
The first message was sent by her.
[Don’t wait for me. I won’t come to see you.]
He quickly had replied to her with two consecutive ones.
[Qiao Qiao, I love you.] [I’ve loved you for thirteen years.]
After about two hours, she had responded with two messages.
[Are you worthy enough?] [I will never accept you for hurting Brother Jiamu.]
Qiao Anhao stared at the five sentences, under a hundred characters, like she was hit by thunder.
Translator: Paperplane Editor: DarkGem
Those words were never sent by her, yet Qiao Anhao felt her heart stop in panic.
She spaced out for about ten whole minutes, before she snapped back to her senses and the emotions inside her instantly grew violent.
There was a gentle warm breeze in the room, yet she felt a cold run through her body. She shifted for a moment to shake off the stiff posture that she’d held for so long, and felt the pain in a certain part of her heart. The pain felt as uncontrollable as the rolling waves of a river.
No wonder he treated her like that when they met again after four months apart.
No wonder he acted as though it had nothing to do with him when she told him that she was in the hospital, rather than ignoring him.
No wonder he sent her on her way when she thought they had reconciled after drugging him and crawling into his bed.
No wonder he was so distant at the airport when she hugged him and confessed her love.
No wonder she felt like there was an invisible divide between the two of them even after they got married.
No wonder… No wonder there are so many ‘no wonder’s…
There was always a little doubt hidden in her heart. At this very moment, she completely understood. She completely understood it all.
If he hadn’t loved her… If she hadn’t accidentally broken the porcelain doll… If the assistant hadn’t told her so much… If it weren’t for his deep, thirteen-year-long love, which gave her infinite courage and perseverance, she imagined that he and her would have probably miss their chance to reunite again.
Only people who are deeply in love understand just how hurtful the three words “Are you worthy?” are.
Lu Jinnian, when the razor cut your wrist, did you feel hopeless in your heart?
It was hopelessness, right?
The woman you loved so much was so cruel to you.
But… how could you have known it was a missed opportunity schemed by someone.
A missed opportunity, a missed opportunity… They say that missed opportunities are the saddest form of lovers destined to meet but not fated to be together.
In actual fact, when has someone ever known the story behind missed opportunities. However, they are opportunities missed one after the other!
Han Ruchu, you’re really something!
Han Ruchu knew that she was Lu Jinnian’s weakness long before she did, so that woman had used the one thing he adored most to take down his whole world!
So as it turned out, the man she loved didn’t leave in regret, but left with a heart reduced to ashes.
So as it turned out, whilst she was searching for him for four months, his heart was actually torn and death looked better to him than life.
Han Ruchu, I definitely won’t let you off!
Heartache, rage, hatred…
Complicated emotions interwove in Qiao Anhao’s chest, and she felt as though her slim body had just received a blow.
She started to shiver. At that moment, she didn’t hold the phone steadily enough, and so it fell to the floorboards.
Her fingertips started to tremble, and then she saw a draft message in a dialogue box – another message he wrote but didn’t send.
[Qiao Qiao, I’m giving Xu Enterprise back to Xu Jiamu. Let’s go back to how we were before. Please?]
Suddenly, Qiao Anhao’s tears fell like rain.
He had received those messages of hers, and yet he still wrote this…
Lu Jinnian, do you even know, how you can so easily make me feel ashamed.
Her fingers hovered across the phone screen, and slowly swiped up. Each and every one of the messages he’d sent, whilst she was unconscious for four days, took form beneath her eyes.
There were hundreds of text messages in total… When she woke up and grabbed her phone, she had only seen a tenth of this amount.
Han Ruchu had taken her sim card, and when she saw Lu Jinnian in pain and brought low after sending him those text messages, just how proud did she feel?
